I have not posted much for a while, for the above reason, but my last few have been kind of depressing. (Here and Here) Sorry but this one is going to be too.  This post came out of my desire to do a top of 2011 list, still might by the way.  I started thinking about my favorite things of last year and it got me thinking about last year as a whole.  It confirmed something I had already suspected, 2011 sucked.  Seriously, my 2011 was shit.

That's not to say that some great things didn't come out of 2011 for me.  I met some awesome new people.  I got to work on some amazing projects and best of all I became an uncle again to the the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen.  There were high points but looking back I think it may be the worst year of my whole 28 years on this Earth.

I'm not going to get into the specific issues I had this year, ultimately it would be boring and silly to anyone who isn't me.  I know there are lots of people out there with bigger issues than me and have more shit lives than I do.  The depression I have is mine though, so it doesn't need to make sense to anyone but me.  Key thing is that I went through almost the entire year under a cloud of heavy depression that very little penetrated.  I was miserable.  There were many a nights spent at home that devolved into me drinking as much as I could and then overturning parts of my trailer.  I kicked in one of my cabinets at one point.  Another time I had a pile of beer cans I threw at my stove, don't ask, that stayed there for a couple of days.  One night I decided, screw the big mirror in my room and decided to see which was harder, it or my fist.  Luckily my hand gave out before the mirror did, of course my hand puffed up and stayed yellow for about a month.  One of my knuckles still doesn't look right.  Some days I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or scream.  Some days I just didn't want to get out of bed.

So yeah, a bad year.

Back to my end of the year list.  I was thinking specifically about what I thought the best song of the year was.  First I was thinking 'Walk' by the Foo Fighters because that song is just awesome.  I kept thinking, there was a lot of really good music I heard this year.  Jonathan Coulton had a new album that was pretty damn cool.  The Decemberists album is close to perfect and Drive-By Truckers had a new one.  There was a lot of worthy music out there and then one song stood out.

'The Honest Truth' by Typhoon.

I was pointed to this song by Cracked.com  I really don't know how many times I have listened to this song in the last month or so.  It is a beautfiul song done by an army of a band.  I think the lyrics are amazing and has just such honesty and truth to it you can't help but love it.  Seriously, watch it.  Facebook it.  Tweet it.  Scream it from the rooftops that it is amazing.  Go do it right now, I will wait.

Did you do it?  Good.

So yeah, awesome song, but I just realized how profound it was to me.  Today on my way home from work I was listening to my iPod and this song came on.  I listened to it because it rocks.  Then I listened to it again.  Then again.  And again.  Then I just broke down.  I started bawling while I listened to it.  Something about the lyrics just hit me like a ton of bricks.  I almost had to pull over.  It brought to me all that pain I have felt this year and it just overwhelmed me; then something beautiful happened.  Through the tears I started singing along.  Then I started screaming the song.  I turned up the music as loud as it would go and just let it blare into my eardrums.  I just kept singing to it though and the tears stopped.  It wasn't about me being depressed, it was about me taking charge of me.  It became a song of triumph.  By the time I got back to Belle my eyes had dried and I had a smile on my face.  I still have that smile on my face.

I'm not saying this song cured me of my depression.  I have a long road to hoe and it isn't going to be easy.  The amazing thing that happened today while listening to this song though was that for the first time in a long time I cared more about being happy then worrying about the depression that was slowly killing me.  That's important.  I'm not so arrogant to think I completely understand the lyrics or what the band thinks this song is about all I know is that I will always look at it as a ballad of triumph.  So thank you Typhoon, your beautiful song got me to do something I didn't think I was even capable of anymore, be optimistic for the future.  Things can get better, they won't get better on their own, but I can make it better.  Piss and moan you let the devil in your home, that is a line from the song and one that applies to me.  The devil has been living with me for too long and rent free for that matter.  Time for his ass to move on out.

I want to leave you with the lines that open the song.

Eternity will smile
Eternity will smile
Eternity will smile
On me

So yeah, easy call.  Song of the year.  Thank you to anyone who finished reading this post.  It is very personal to me and maybe it might mean something to someone else out there.  I hope so, all I know is that I feel like a weight has been lifted ever so slightly off of me after writing this.  Thank you everyone and heres to 2012, may it be better for everyone!