Recently I found myself sad over the cancellation of the History Channel’s MonsterQuest.  It is a delayed reaction but I realized that it left a void that other lesser shows of the same vein like Ghosthunters simply can not fill; the promise of adventure, the possibility of discovery along with opportunity to meet interesting characters.  Or just a good old fashioned guilty pleasure.

Monster quests can be broken down in two categories. Searches for creatures that are considered mythical or possibly undiscovered species, a field of inquiry referred to as crypto zoology.  This quarry includes lake monsters, yetis, chupacabra and the mothman.  Alternately they may search for animals previously unknown in a  region, invasive species such pythons in Florida or piranhas that may be invading U.S. waterways.

Episodes play out like CSI lending an air of scientific credibility.  The crew attempts to gather evidence, to track the monster of the week and interview eyewitnesses.  The show is narrated.  The main thrust of the show is to take some piece of supposed evidence and analyze it to death.  For example in an episode about a supposed sea monster sighting a short video clip is stretched to make an entire episode.  Two men in scuba gear stalk the creature which they constantly assert might be dangerous.  This is interspersed with expert conjecture from biologists.  Episodes vary in their denouements.  So far as this author knows the MonsterQuest crew never captured a creature of the unknown variety.   They were successful when searching for known species, however.

The appeal of this show is mysterious on a certain level if you only consider the raw evidence.  There is little fact to back up the claims that monsters exist all around us and sometimes the meaning of the word gets stretched a bit.  The idea is anachronistic upon first glance.  One is reminded of navigational maps of old that depict sea monsters abounding in the world’s oceans.  Most of the terrestrial earth has been explored and conquered with no signs of mythical creatures.  Why then do people cling to these ideas?

The cynic might suggest that it is ignorance, willful or otherwise on the part of viewers.  Perhaps it is just idle curiosity, wherever the channel surfing roulette wheel lands.  Alternately these shows suggest a social or psychological value in the persistence of myth.  It is the idea of inquiry that is being presented here and the quest for knowledge has long been held as a virtuous.

The  third possibility is that our highly modern world has become boring and we are disconnected from nature, we lack familiarity with it.  That which we were once part of and struggled against has become alien to most people.

I can’t personally explain my own fascination with MonsterQuest.  I have always been drawn to shows like Ancient Mysteries and Arthur C. Clarke’s World of Strange Powers even though I have disdain for them now.  As a child they piqued my curiosity with the promise of phenomena beyond the pale of science.  At the time it was a very powerful idea that the overriding scientific opinion was nothing more than conventional wisdom waiting to get trashed.  As a disillusioned adult they don’t carry the same weight.

It occurs to me now being more enlightened, that the real story is the people on the show; the experts, devotees and eyewitnesses who believe so purposefully in their search.  It would be easy to write them off as crazy or delusional but I think there is more going on beneath the surface.  People don’t dedicate their lives to flights of fancy for no reason.  What are these people seeking?  Are they merely broken individuals trying to find a literal and metaphorical answer to a void in their lives?

This analysis might be heavy handed.  The answer is unattainable given the restricted scope of the show.  Inevitably there will be a replacement that follows the tradition of Strange Powers, Ancient Mysteries and MonsterQuest.  It will attract a similar mysterious audience and participants who may be searching for more profound answers, or just bored.  Personally I hope there will be one that grants more attention to the human side of the story.

But seriously I think most episodes were probably like The Serpent’s Tale.

The big question for me is does this represent a paradigm shift in the movie business?  Normally movies follow well defined path from theater to home video which includes an initial bare bones release then successive editions with bonus features, a dickish strategy exemplified by the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  It’s hard to fault a company for money grubbing since that is what they do but there are already DVD, Blu Ray and 3D editions of Avatar plus a baffling DVD/Blu Ray combo pack.  Now take all that and double it for the sake of eight extra minutes.

There isn’t a lot of precedent for this.  Normally if a movie gets an extended or bonus release it has to do with Oscar buzz. Whatever problems I have with the Star Wars re-release editions I still treasure the opportunity I had to see those movies on the big screen.  Hell, I wasn’t even alive when Star Wars was first released.  Avatar hit theaters for the first time less than a year ago.

The official justification is that Alice in Wonderland prematurely knocked Avatar out of 3D theaters leaving an estimated $200 million in unrealized ticket sales. This is a specious argument. Don’t all movies eventually get overshadowed by new releases?

Oh well I’m sure this will excite the Na’Vi of Hometree Wisconsin.

Here without further ado, based on exclusive Dirty Sprocket sources is a breakdown of the new footage.

.01 seconds-A single frame showing a penis

13 seconds-Explanation for how unobtanium is used; it’s an aphrodisiac in China just like all other valuable and rare things.

2:45-Additional footage of flying.

8 seconds-Original footage of Stars Wars Cantina scene in which Han shoots first.

5 seconds-James Cameron next to a pile of burning money.

45 seconds- Extra hot extended love scene footage.

23 seconds-Jake Sulley reminisces about how much he misses playing baseball and how everything he does on Pandora is so that he can play again.  This will serve as justification for the ill conceived Avatar/MLB tie in.

1 minute-Extra battle sequence footage.  No one watching re-release for the first time will recognize the new footage.  Will consist primarily of random deaths and explosions.

30 seconds-Michelle Rodriguez one-liners.

12 seconds-As the corporate asshole is boarding the transport one of the Na’Vi quips that he “will be able to play golf for real.”  Corporate asshole then ponders how a Na’Vi knows anything about golf.

55 seconds-More footage of flora, fauna and landscape showing how god damn majestic Pandora is.

22 seconds-Sigourney Weaver dialogue in which she explains why the Na’Vi look  like humans other than for the sake of plot convenience.

1:20-More white guilt.  This is accomplished in the form of a flashback.  Highlights include: humans giving Na’Vi smallpox infested blankets, Na’Vi enslaved on rubber plantations, Pandora’s first opium dens, Na’Vi children forced into boarding schools, and the construction of railroads to carve up Na’Vi hunting grounds.

Chew 2: International Flavor

Tony gets a “new” partner and sets off on the trail of a strange  fruit that is being used as a chicken substitute and the stakes get higher as he finds himself face to face with the scariest villain of the series thus far.  Chew 2 rewards audiences by expanding the stories Universe messing with the reader’s expectations.  The story evolves, some characters enter and others leave (often in messy ways).

Chew feels it has been planned in detail.  This isn’t like Lost where the creators were clearly making stuff up as they went along.  Chew has a nice balance so far; taking care of old business while weaving new threads.

The best stories take their audiences out of their comfort zone and give them something that is unpredictable.  Chew 2: International Flavor accomplishes this and then some.  I for one am ready for another helping.

It has become a ridiculous cliche in our society.  A politician or celebrity gets caught doing something they should not have been doing in the first place, this sets in motion a public relations machine.  Eventually the confessor makes a forced apology on Oprah and we as a nation say they learned their lesson.

There are several franchises currently going through these motions.  The creators of Transformers, Indiana Jones and Twilight are all telling us how they learned their lesson and how the new movies will be better than their predecessors.  There have been some big announcements along these lines recently.  However, these acts of contrition are ringing hollow.

Twilight: Eclipse (Wasn’t the World Supposed to Have Ended by Now?)

The Predecessors
Transcendent examples of boring passionless film-making.  I know I am not the target audience but watching a movie shouldn’t be like trying to pass a kidney stone.  Here is a visual review of the previous two movies.

The sequel will be better because…
There will be more action, fight scenes etc. because they are trying to appeal to a wider audience.  Specifically boyfriends who have been dragged to it against their will and possibly drugged, the male equivalent of date rape.

Why it’s bullshit
Huh?  Why do that when your primary demographic is eating out of your hand.  The new trailers touting Eclipse as some kind of bad ass action movie are an impudent lie.  Sure Eclipse might have more action but this in no way makes up for baseball-playing emo vampires and creepy underlying mysogynism.

The real vampire is the Summit Entertainment which is releasing the final installment of the series as a two movies.  Even Twilight fans have been left scratching their heads as not a lot happens in the last book.  It might be worth watching to see the train wreck that ensues when they try to stretch already thin material.  The prognosis: things are bound to get worse.

Transformers 3:  A bunch of stuff happens and the movie ends

The Predecessors
I’ve never seen the first film and Revenge of the Fallen is made bearable only with the use of Rifftrax and alcohol.  RoF’s one redeeming trait, the visuals, was lost amongst racist robots, sophomoric humor, bad acting, incoherent story telling and Shia Laboufe.

The worst moments in no particular order:
1.  A robot humps Megan Foxes Leg
2. John Turturo’s line:  “The Meat Store is closed.”
3.  A completely anti-climactic fight scene at the end (one robot knocks another off a pyramid)
4.  A Transformer that is a perfect female human form
5.  Every single moment the Twins are on screen.
6.  Robot testicles

The sequel will be better because…
As much as I hate Revenge of the Fallen I will cut the franchise some slack because the writers strike forced the film makers into using a  rough draft of the screenplay.  Wait you started making a movie without a finished screenplay?  The Ghetto Bots are out(rumored, probably false) and Megan Fox has been replaced by another model with questionable acting ability.  It sounds like Transformers 3 will be closer to the first film.

Why it’s bullshit
I can’t stand Fox  but she was the least of films problems.   I don’t like how she is being scapegoated but more people have been jumping on this band wagon lately and I suspect that it is one of the reasons Jonah Hex was a failure.  Her departure is mostly a relief for Michael Bay.  Even though the writers strike hurt Revenge of the Fallen someone decided to keep all of that crap in the movie and he is still in charge.

The biggest problem with Revenge of the Fallen is that it made no sense how robots and people could coexist in the same world.  On one hand you have giant robots, on the other people who are average human size, horrifyingly fragile and easily stepped on.  For this very reason fight scenes or any kind of action sequence between the two are difficult to accept, leaving suspension of disbelief impossible.

The idea that robots and humans are mutually dependent on one and other is contrived at best.  So many things are beyond control of the characters involved that their actions are reduced to running and hiding and this does not make for dynamic tension.   I am told this is better in the first movie but I remain skeptical.

Indiana Jones 5: The Quest to Transform Shia Labeouf into an action Star

The Predecessors

Indiana Jones has been kind of hit and miss.  Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade are entertaining and some would argue classic. Temple of Doom was a misadventure but not as bad as some people say.  Crystal Skull on the other hand is an abomination.

Take for example the completely unnecessary scene in which Indiana survives a nuclear blast in a god damn refrigerator after being thrown miles.  The movie should have ended with the door popping open to reveal archaeologist jelly.

Or how about later when they go over an enormous waterfall and all manage to stay in the boat and survive.  Then they say they have to go over two more but don’t show those descents.  Why say you are going to do something dangerous and not show it?  It was like you could plot the exact moment  the budget ran out.

The best thing about KoCS is that it gave birth to the term “Nuking the fridge”: an awesome term for ridiculous plot devices.  Also there were no Nazis.  Harrison Ford being old was the least of this movie’s problems.

The sequel will be better because…
Indiana Jones 5 was recently announced and it is said there will be less CG.  The film will deal with the Bermuda Triangle.  Call me crazy but I suspect Indiana Jones 5 will be about the search for Atlantis.  After all there was a game about this very subject.  This could help get the series back on track by giving it another mythic item to search for.

Why it’s bullshit

Lucas and Spielberg are two film makers whose best days are long past.  They lack any impetus to tell an original story or break any new ground.  The duo wants more money bottom line.

Spielberg’s fascination with Shia Labeouf is disturbing in a creepy uncle kindof way.  He keeps trying to force Labeouf into movies even though moviegoers aren’t embracing him. Spielberg and Lucas want a young vital replacement because Harrison Ford is quitting before they ride him into his grave.  But why Labeouf?  Nothing about him makes me think “action star.”

Let’s play a game, which one of the following images is not like the others?

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

Answer follows at bottom.

The promise that there will be less CG is a misunderstanding of the flaws of number four.  Crystal Skull was bad because everything in it was ridiculous.  How about the Russian agent that uses her psychic powers once in the movie.  Something doesn’t have to be done in CG for it to be ridiculous.  Sure it could remove the temptation to go over the top but I’m not even sure that I trust them to follow through with this promise.  The only way less CG would make Indiana Jones 5 intrinsically better is if Shia Labeouf is actually a computer generated character.

I don’t want to see another Indiana Jones movie unless the villains are Nazis.  Nazis work because they actually had an obsession with the occult.  For example a high ranking Nazi official, Rudolph Hess, who based astrological readings flew a plane over Great Britain and parachuted down because he believed that he could negotiate a treaty on behalf of Germany.

Nazi’s just work in the Indiana Jones Universe.  The problem with having Soviets fill the role is that there is no basis for this kind of thing.  The Soviet Union was communist and officially atheist.  Spielberg and Lucas must have realized this during the writing phase.  They included the agent with telepathic powers as a token measure to bolster the film’s mystical credentials and likely because of the flimsy historical basis for aliens.

Speaking of flimsy the Bermuda Triangle causes a similar problem.  Whereas the Raiders and Last Crusade worked within ancient mythology and religious tradition the Bermuda Triangle like aliens is a recent creation and doesn’t hold that same mystique.  All of the claims about the Bermuda Triangle’s para-normality are easily dismissible.

Indiana Jones 5 will likely be better than KotCS but that’s like saying you like flowers more than nuclear holocaust.  Also let us not forget Atlantis was already found by MacGuyver.

The Answer is C. God damn it.

When it comes to comics I prefer limited series or those that are not part of the major DC or Marvel universes.  Those get a little out of control and I don’t feel like having Wikipedia open so I can look something up every five seconds.  The comics I really enjoy are those such as Watchmen or Incognito that have their own Universe.  Last November I added ‘Chew’ by Rod Guillory and John Layman to that short list.

Chew is not about superheroes.  But it does feature a guy with strange powers.  Tony Chu is the main character.  He has what is the most unique power of any comic book character.  Tony is a Cibopath which means that if he eats something he can learn everything about it by through psychic impressions.  As the comic explains he could eat an apple and know everything about it including where it was grown and any pesticides or fertilizers used to grow it.

One day Tony and his partner are on a routine assignment when he flashes on something big.  Lets just say that he learns about a horrible crime by eating soup.  This incident attracts the attention of the powers that be in the FDA and Tony gets a promotion that changes his life forever.

Chew combines science fiction with current events.  In this fictional world an epidemic of avian flu has claimed the lives of tens of millions of people the world over.  As a result chicken has been banned in the United States.  Buying selling or owning it is illegal.  The U.S. has turned into fascist police state with the FDA transformed into an organization on par the FBI or Homeland Security.  This has inspired a world of underground mafia rings to continue illicitly selling chicken and terrorists opposed to the ban on chicken.  There are also hints of a government conspiracy.

The world of Chew is a strange one with ninjas, vampires, secret agents and no end of colorful characters.  What really makes the world complete is that other characters are included with food-centric powers such as a food critic that can write about food so vividly that the reader can taste what she tastes.  Also Tony Chu is not the only cibopath.

It is an extraordinary combination that works because although it is weird it is firmly anchored by its emotional content and very human characters.  Tony’s cibopathic power sounds all well and good except that he can only eat one thing, beets, because they block his power.  If he eats meat he will know everything that happened to that animal from the hormones and antibiotics it has been injected with to the conditions it was kept in and its final end.

Many of us don’t know where our food comes from or we choose to look the other way.  For Tony Chu this is not an option.  He is part of a narrow class of comic book characters whose powers are more of a curse such as Dr. Manhattan.  Tony doesn’t even get to fly or have super strength, he just knows all the dark little secrets of the industrial food chain and his power is on all the time.

Tony’s promotion doesn’t improve things with new responsibilities come even worse things that he must eat.  He is given a special assignment closing cold case style crimes with limited evidence.  Of course this leads him and his new partner down some very dark paths.  At one point he has to eat a human finger to find out who it belonged to.  The menu gets a bit grim after that.  Did I mention that you might need a strong stomach to read Chew?

Rob Guillory’s artwork provides the perfect accompaniment.  It is just as twisted, clever and original as the story.  Even the lettering stands out.  Overall Chew is just as entertaining to look at as it is to read.

If this even vaguely sounds like it is up your alley I suggest that your pick up a copy of Chew.  It’s funny dark and off the wall and features some crazy twists and turns but it remains firmly grounded by very human elements.  Chew provides great rewards for those who take that first bite.

Ong-Bak: Thai Warrior(2003)

Martial arts films have never been one of my favorite genres.  I just can’t get into them, that was until I saw Ong-Bak: Thai Warrior.  In a small Thai village the head of a revered statue named Ong-Bak is stolen.  The villagers believe that the statue protects them so Ting(Tony Jaa) a Muay Thai expert is sent to catch the thief and return the stolen head.

Story-wise it’s pretty… Oh hell why talk about the story.  The whole thing is a macguffin for goofy over the top martial arts action, but you might have already guessed that right?  The real attraction here is Tony Jaa who did all of his own jaw dropping stunts including this chase scene. When it comes to hitting people this movie has everything.  Jaa beats people in a variety of locales; in the street, in underground fight clubs, while on fire and even in a cave! You could say that it is over the top but Ong Bak never even noticed the top.

Jaa’s performance alone is more than enough to justify giving Ong-Bak a look.

Netflix Rating: 4 Stars

La Moustache(France, 2005)

When I read the synopsis it was pretty much love at first sight.  Marc(Vincent Lindon) who has had a mustache his entire life decides to shave it off one day.  When he does it something strange happens.  The people closest to him do not notice including his wife.  They insist that he never had a mustache in the first place.  Is he going crazy or are his friends and family plotting against him?

The films source material a novel was written by Emmanuel Carrere who also adapted and directed the film.  It’s not a bad movie.  In fact it’s a very good effort for a director of limited experience.  What makes La Moustache work to a certain extent is that it has the feel of a good Twilight Zone episode.  The acting is also very good and the film is well cast, especially the titular mustache.

The problem is that La Moustache falls into the category of “cerebral” films.  These types of movies are more about creating mood than they are about telling logical coherent stories.  I totally accept this.  The problem is that they often reach a point where they don’t know what they are doing and you wind up with some weird filler material.  This happens late in La Moustache and it is pretty easy to pinpoint.  Even Emmanuel Carrere admits that he doesn’t know what the meaning of the story is.  I don’t have a problem with a movie that doesn’t explain things but if this is the case then it had better be pretty damn interesting to watch.  So this otherwise excellent film is spoiled a bit by a clumsy third act.  However, I wouldn’t discourage anyone from watching it.

Netflix Rating: 3 Stars

Hopefully in the next few weeks I will get a better schedule down for these reviews.  I don’t generally watch movies until I am really in the mood.  In the future I will try to get them out around Sunday but it depends on when I get around to watching them.

This week we have a fine selection.  A British film called ‘Withnail and I’ and Billy Wilder’s classic ‘The Apartment.’

Withnail and I (1987)

Withnail and Marwood are struggling out of work actors.  They’re living off the state, spending most of their time drinking or out of their minds on drugs.  One day they get fed up and Withnail suggests that they escape the city and flee to his Uncle Monty’s house.  They go there and it turns into a spectacular misadventure.  Especially when Withnail’s gay uncle arrives and Marwood realizes that it is himself Monty is after.

Withnail and I is one of those rare films that can get by largely on the strength of its characters and dialogue without a lot of messy plot.  The film abounds with great quirky lines such as “My thumbs have gone weird!”  It could be described as Fear and Loathing in an English Hamlet.    It is subtly comedic and surprisingly uplifting at the same time.  There is something quite empowering about seeing characters who can soldier on in the face of adversity.  Or at least keep goofing off.  This is a film that I buying and revisiting in the not too distant future.

Netflix Rating: 5 Stars

The Apartment(1960)

Jack Lemon stars as C.C. Baxter, a clerk in an insurance firm trying to claw his way up the corporate ladder.  Baxter has an ace up his sleeve.  In order to ingratiate himself with his superiors he allows them to use his apartment to carry out extramarital affairs.  It is a difficult scheme to maintain.  He spends less time in his own apartment than his corporate superiors.  It’s a bit like having roommates that don’t pay rent and are never around to clean up the place and expect you to buy all of the booze.  Baxter looks like he has it made but trouble ensues when he falls for his boss’s mistress.

You might be asking why don’t the men just check into a motel to carry out their affairs?  Well back in the day hotels didn’t allow this kind of behavior.  They actually had “hotel detectives” that knocked on doors and made sure all of the couples staying there were married.  They also wouldn’t rent by the hour.  The subject of infidelity was also considered taboo in movies for decades prior to the release of The Apartment.

Now this film may sound a bit dated but don’t let that deter you from watching it.  The Apartment is a brilliant mixture of comedy and drama.  It was nominated for ten oscars and won five.  It also stands out as one of the finest works by writer/director Billy Wilder(Sunset Boulevard, Some Like it Hot).  The acting is phenomenal.  There is something about Jack Lemon that makes him particularly suited to this role.  He is charming and likable, an every man that is clearly in over his head.  Shirley MacLaine is troubled love interest who is just as much of a star.

As much as things have changed since the Apartments release in 1960 more things have remained the same.  What keeps this movie fresh and relevant today is its attention to the human condition.  This is a movie about love and relationships that doesn’t try to simplify those things.

Netflix Rating: 5 Stars

Last Friday I sat in a darkened movie theater, wading through shitty trailers and waiting for what was in my mind the most anticipated movie of the year.  I was a little nervous at that point.  Could Kick-Ass possibly live up to the hype or was I being duped by another series of slick trailers that Hollywood cranks out these days?

The answer is HELL YA!  That is to the part about living up to the hype.

Kick-Ass is an adaptation of a comic book by Mark Millar and John Romito.  The film is directed by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake).  Aaron Johnson plays Dave Lizewski an awkward high-schooler who asks a simple question: Why has no one ever tried to be a real super hero?  After he and his friend are mugged one day while a witness stands by and does nothing he decides to take matters into his own hands.

He buys a costume, dubs himself Kick-Ass, he trains and then when he is ready he starts fighting crime gets beaten, stabbed and hit by a car.

This auspicious beginning does not deter him.  He recovers and sets out once again determined to do something.  After fighting a group of thugs he becomes an internet sensation when videos of the fight are posted on YouTube.

Things are looking up for Dave until he attracts the attention of a local mob boss.  He also finds out he is not alone when he meets Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage), a brutal father and daughter team of masked crime fighters.  At this point Dave realizes that he is out of his element but it is too late, and he finds out that being a super hero involves a lot more than putting on a costume.

Everything about Kick-Ass is awesome.  Especially the acting.  The film is perfectly cast and each character has plenty of  depth.  Aaron Johnson especially puts on a nice performance.  Sure his character is naive, but he also has a charming sincerity.  I also like how there is a real difference between the way he acts when he is Dave and when he dons the costume and becomes Kick-Ass.  Christopher Mintz-Plasse, better known to many of you as McLoven from Superbad is also a nice surprise.  He puts on a great performance and shows some unexpected range as an actor.

Mark Strong is the main villain, a mofioso named Frank D’Amico,  and although some people are decrying his performance I would say it is more than adequate.  He is kind of a typical bad guy but he does a good job.

Ultimately everyone is overshadowed by Hit Girl and Big Daddy.  Chloe Moretz does a stunning job playing Hit Girl, a slightly psychopathic eleven year old who wields swords and guns and teams up with her father to fight the mob.  Now fight scenes in which an eleven year old girl destroys bad guys with a sword doesn’t sound believable but in this film they totally are.  In large part this is thanks to Chloe Moretz’s great screen presence.

For Nicholas Cage ‘Kick-Ass’ represents a return to form.  He is perfect as Big Daddy, a character sort of based on Batman which inspired a great gag in the film but I can’t ruin it .  Cage steals scenes when Moretz doesn’t and the two have a superb chemistry as father and daughter.

The fight scenes really set Kick-Ass apart from other recent action films.  This is because they are clearly filmed and shot in a straight forward manner so that you can actually see what is happening (I’m looking at you Bourne Trilogy), and there is restraint when it comes to the use of slow motion (I’m looking at you Zack Snyder).  The sound track perfectly accompanies all of this.  You will probably never listen to Banana Splits the same way again.

There are certain things about this film that need to be cleared up.  If you have read other reviews you have probably heard some very negative things about this film.  Some people have accused ‘Kick-Ass’ of sexualizing the character of Hit Girl.  This is not true.  If you look at this film these are some of the most modest costumes you will see a superhero wearing.  In one scene Hit Girl is dressed in a school girl outfit but the way the scene is shot it really seems like they were trying to keep it as clean as possible.  It’s simply a disguise.

Yes the film is violent, very violent in fact.  If this isn’t your thing don’t watch it.  Kickass does dangerous things like mixing humor and hard core violence.  The most dangerous thing it does, however, is expecting its audience to be able to read between the lines.  It looks you in the eye and smiles while holding a knife behind its back.  I don’t think that we are supposed to buy into everything that is happening on screen.  Take for instance Big Daddy and Hit Girl.  I don’t believe that we are supposed to simply go along and think that there is nothing wrong with the fact that Big Daddy has turned his daughter into a psychopathic killing machine.

Kick-Ass blew away my expectations completely exceeding my wildest hopes and dreams.  Ladies and gentlemen the greatest comic book film ever made is in our theaters right now.

The premise is that Oliver has a week at school in Huntington West Virginia to create more appetizing and nutritional food for the students who are fed a horrifying array of heavily processed and pre-cooked food.  He has to deal with school administrators, contrarian lunch ladies and bureaucratic red tape and the most difficult food critics any chef could ever face, kids.  Jamie also reaches out a local family to put an end to their unhealthy diet and deals with an opposing radio talk show host.

The show is a bit like watching a toned-downed version of Gordon Ramsay but it still has plenty of entertaining moments.  Jamie is a very likable guy and a natural as a television host.

It is also difficult to root against what he doing after seeing the way business is conducted in school lunch programs.  Children are fed an arbitrarily chosen and rigidly enforced menu.  For example they must have two servings of a bread product with every meal, a recipe guaranteed to overload their diet with carbohydrates.    Other shocking moments include a lack of choices in terms of sugar free drinks(all of the milk is flavored), the ridiculous amount of food that goes into the garbage and the fact that the young students are not allowed to use knives in the cafeteria.

As much as I like what the show is trying to accomplish their are certain less than stellar moments.  I really didn’t need to see Jamie crying, it just seemed silly I can tell he really wants to help without that scene being thrown in.  The show also veers into “fatsploitation” territory at points but it never becomes egregious.

Food Revolution is like Kitchen Nightmares with the tension from that show multiplied across an entire community.  It takes a similar approach to school lunch rooms that Kitchen Nightmares does to restaurants.  However, Oliver is up against even tougher odds.  For starters you have a generation of children that can’t even name simple everyday vegetables and have grown up eating foods like chicken nuggets that are an abstraction of the real thing.  Regulations on lunch programs are inflexible and in my opinion more about disposing of agricultural surplus and big government contracts than serving kids nutritious meals.

Despite a few irksome moments Food Revolution is relevant and entertaining, a fresh change of pace from the horrors of everyday reality television.  Please do yourself a favor and tune in to future episodes, I know I will.

A. Not a woman

B.  Dislike films that are condescending toward their intended audience

The biggest thing that nagged at me this time was the characters.  They are boring and dull how could anyone like them or find them interesting?  The answer is they are like fast food hamburgers.

You see years ago the creators of McDonalds hit upon the perfect formula for selling large quantities of hamburgers:  Make the flavor relatively bland and allow the customer to add condiments to their liking thus appealing to the largest cross section of consumers possible.

In the case of the Twilight characters this also applies.  They are dull and lack individualistic motivations or any kind of idiosyncrasies that would really make them stand out.  They are just movie characters doing what movie characters do without any real internal catalyst.  The audience in their own minds adds to this by projecting emotions, hopes, dreams and desires and fantasies onto onto them.

Each character in Twilight suffers this problem.  They have no real personality, just empty archetypes you see in most films aimed at teen audiences (and people who should know better).  We have the girl that is quiet but really cool and mysterious.  Then there is Edward who is supposed to be a dangerous bad-boy and Jacob, the gay werewolf.  It doesn’t take much to describe any of these characters.

I could go on longer but I would just end up rehashing things that other people have already said and well this whole movie makes me feel apathetic.  Maybe I am missing something by not reading the books. My only hope is that the Twilight Saga is actually an elaborate satire of the teen movie genre.  Alright, perhaps that is a little too much to hope for.